


I Thought We Were Close

by Puregold



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Charm Person, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Dissociation, Dubious Consent, Fantasy Date Rape Drugs, Gen, Hi im projecting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Original Character(s), Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, The OC is only there to be shitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 04:26:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puregold/pseuds/Puregold
Summary: Hi I'm aaron and I had a nightmare about this and I'm here to project my own trauma and problems onto fictional characters to cope(?)Otherwise known as after Taako starts his own wizarding school, another professor and him become close friends, which quickly leads to something a lot more sinister.





	1. Just A Toast

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE WARNING: FIRST CHAPTER CONTAINS NONCON, BE FUCKING CAREFUL READING THIS AND SKIP TO CHAPTER 2 FOR RAPE AFTERMATH.
> 
> Semi-based on my own personal experience in which I was coerced into sexual acts with a friend through use of alcohol. No roofies were used in my experience, but it happened in my nigtmare so it's here. I figure it's healthier to externalize these thoughts somewhere rather than keep them bottled up.
> 
> Abuse is wack but its okay because we're healing. It'll be okay. Please don't use this fic to trigger yourself or otherwise self-harm, but if you find comfort in rape recovery fics (as I do) then feel free to proceed.

It was rather late, ten till 9 to be exact, but it felt much later due to winter's tendency to darken the sky. Kravitz was off taking care of a bounty, and Angus had stayed the night at a friend's place, so I had no reason to book it on home. After all, it's a lot easier to grade papers at the school rather than take work home. I wasn't alone in this idea, either, as another professor and friend of mine happened to also be staying late.

It was just then that I heard a humble knock at my office door, and looked up with a smile and a "Come in."

The door peeked open to reveal the face of a human man, tall and holding a bottle of wine and two glasses as he entered. "Just finished up my grading, figure'd you'd wanna partake in a toast to the end of the semester."

I chuckle as he sits across from me, setting down the glasses and beginning to pour. "You know ol' Taako's never gonna pass up the opportunity to have a glass, my dude."

He laughs in agreement, before looking over my shoulder, out the window and squinting. "What on _earth_ is going on out there?"

I frown, looking over my shoulder quickly and studying out the window, confused when nothing becomes immediately visible. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, my bad. Just shadows. Guess I'm a lot more sleep-deprived than I thought." He says with a chuckle.

"Gotta make sure to get those full 8 hours. No use in doing anything on a barely-functioning mind." I say, before putting my pencil down and taking hold of my drink as he takes his.

"To a well-deserved winter break." He says.

"Amen." I chide, before we raise our glasses and each take a drink.

The wine tastes very sweet, moreso than most as I set it down. "Mmm, what brand is this? Real sugar-water."

"Oh, yeah, it's new. I figured why not try new things, y'know?" He says with an easy smile before setting his glass down as well. We sit in silence for a moment, before he asks, "Taako, do you find me attractive?"

"Oh, fuck yeah, bubula." I reply, but the words _aren't mine_ , and that's _weird_. "You know I'm crazy about you." What the _fuck_?

" _Excellent_. " He replies, giddy as all hell before he stands and pulls something from his bag before placing it on my desk, and I realise in horror that it's _purple fucking lingerie_ as he says, "Why don't you go ahead and put that on for me?"

"Sure thing, babe." I say with an easy smile, and my mind is screaming because those aren't my words and that's not my face and _these aren't my hands_ , excitedly stripping before this motherfucker and eagerly pulling on that stupid trashy outfit.

He grins excitedly before striding towards me, putting his hands on my hips and brushing his thumbs over the bone, before slowly tracing his hands up my sides and to my nipples and I feel fucking sick because _this is so wrong, so fucking wrong, the way his stupid thumbs brushed on my hips like that like how Kravitz does is so fucking disgusting_. "The Voidfish was wrong about you. And your twin, for that matter. It didn't quite manage to encapsulate how breathtakingly beautiful you both are."

_Shut up, shut the fuck up don't you ever talk about Lup don't you even think about her don't say her fucking name._ "If only I was lucky enough to find myself in _both_ your good graces, then wouldn't that be an extravagant night for me. Ah, well. Perhaps some other time."

_No, no_ you _motherfucker_ you will NEVER get close enough to me again to touch my fucking sister _no_. "After tonight's events, after all, that spell should make you forget all about this when we're done."

No, no no no no no I can't forget about this, because I can't let this happen again I can't let him do this again _especially_ not to my sister, _no_.

He takes a deep breath, before he begins to peel off his clothes. "Let's begin, shall we?"

 

* * *

 

 

My head is swimming and a throbbing headache wracks my brain when he's done and gone, and I'm just laying on the floor of my office naked with cum splayed between my thighs.

I didn't cum, I didn't cum but I didn't _hurt_ , either, and that's the worst fucking part, the part that makes me feel guilty as all hell. Because he managed to move his hands in such a way that I- I was fucking _prepared_ , I was _wet_ and I can't tell if that was apart of the spell or not. Because I sure as hell didn't enjoy it, I didn't enjoy it one bit and my eyes were on everything but him, my brain screaming, willing for me to _wake up_ and _snap out of it_ so I could magic missile his ass straight to the moon.

But it didn't work, I couldn't snap out of it and now he's gone and my clothes are fucking splayed across the room and the papers I graded are on the floor from when he had me on my desk. I experimentally try to blink, and it works, and I feel an excited smile grow across my face as a hysteric giggle bubbles out from me. I can move again! I raise my hand up drearily and wave it in front of my face, trying my best to wil my body to stop fucking trembling but to no avail. Aw, well. Win some lose some and all that. I take a deep breath, before sitting up and looking down between my legs at the fucking mess he made.

It's okay. It'll be okay, all I have to do is get dressed and tidy up my office. Then I'll just go home and clean up, and this'll just be another shitty experience in the long list of many that I'll compartmentalize away and not have to deal with anymore. Sure, those past demons are already out of the closet and mostly dealt with, my fucking childhood and Sazed, Glamour Springs and all that. But this is a new thing- A new bad thing, something I never thought would happen again but it's okay, it's okay because I learned. I learned that I can't have casual friends and there are exactly 13 people in the world whom I can trust and that's okay because they're all I'll ever need. I'll be friendly, sure, but I'll never open up to anybody fucking else. I'll rebuild my walls, and this time they'll be so damn thick that you'd need a sledgehammer to get through.

And so I wipe away what cum I can, what isn't already fucking inside me and I pull on my clothes. I put the papers back on my desk and I leave silently, walking home with my wand drawn and my ears perked up and on high alert. Once home, I let myself inside, breathing in the familiar smell of the kitchen and the ashy smell of Kravitz's clothes, before I get in the shower and quietly sink to the floor as I scrub myself raw.

I can't tell how long I spend sitting there, deeply entranced in my own thoughts as I play back what happened over and over again. The worst thing is that it wasn't violent like Sazed, and it wasn't like when I was a kid and didn't know any better. It was slow and gentle, and I wasn't saying no I was saying _yes_ , I was saying whatever it was he wanted me to say and I was doing whatever he wanted me to do. And it wasn't out of fear, my body was acting without my brain as if we were experienced lovers, as if I was fucking _involved_ with him and I have no goddamn clue how he managed to conjure up a spell so sinister. And if it had worked all the way, if I _hadn't_ remembered, who knows how many times he'd use that same spell on me. How many times he'd make my body do those things, even going so far as to get Lup involved so he could have his sick fucking twin fantasy.

I shudder at the thought, feeling sick to my stomach. Maybe the spell is still in effect - maybe I'll forget at any moment now. Panic sets in my body, because this I can't allow myself to forget, not when I know Lup's in trouble, and I practically trip out of the shower as I sprint to find a pencil and paper, messily scribbling down every detail of the event before I allow myself to dry off, slip on my nightgown and go to bed, keeping that piece of paper sat on the dresser beside me.

_I'll remember, you fucking bastard. I'll remember._


	2. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako remembers.

I wake up groggily and disoriented, rubbing my eyes and looking around at the room before me. My room, this is _my_ room. I shift under the covers, rolling onto my side when I see my husbands sleeping face and smile in surprise. I didn't expect him home last night, after all, he had told me that he expected to be gone at least a week and yet here he is, arms wrapped around me in a tender embrace. He must've got home late last night... Last night...

I narrow my eyes. _Last night_... I remember being at my office, grading papers, having a toast with a friend and then my memory just... Stops. And it makes sense that I would've fallen asleep at the office, right? Then why am I in bed?... I roll onto my back and sigh. I remember a drink... Having a toast, then... I shut my eyes and think deeply. Did I black out drunk? That doesn't make sense, no... Close... I...

And suddenly, just like that, I remember three things: purple lingerie, getting fucked on my desk and sitting in my shower. I sit up with a start, breathing frantically as I feel a deep-seeded fear hit my gut and get sick to my stomach. _Something happened, something bad, that wasn't Kravitz._ Kravitz stirs with the sudden motion, rubbing at his eyes and looking up at me sleepily as he holds my hand. "Whats wrong, love? Are you all right? Was it a nightmare?"

I swallow. Maybe it was a nightmare- maybe it was nothing. I smile lovingly at my husband and whisper. "Yeah, babe, I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

But of course he doesn't. He doesn't close his eyes, but he doesn't sit up either, just holding my hand and pressing kisses to the back of it as he lays by my side. I sigh, looking across the room at my dresser. Okay. Half-win, I guess. I begin scanning the room, looking for some sort of clue, some insight into the events of last night because there's something in my brain nagging at me that _no, it wasn't a dream, it wasn't a dream and there's something here, I left something here._ And I trust it, because my brain has never been wrong about this kind of stuff, and that's when my eyes fall on a folded piece of paper on the nightstand beside me. I gingerly pick it up with the hand not currently occupied by Kravitz, and decide to read it over.

I feel the shortness in my breathing, first. The way I draw in, quietly hyperventaliting as I tremble and re-live every single fucking thing that happened last night. Every single thing that Professor Abrams did to me, that he said, what he said about me and my sister and I almost puke, when Kravitz gently tugs at my hand and grounds me as he sits up. "What's wrong, babe? You're shaking, are you okay?" He asks, and the second his eyes peer over to the note the tips of my fingers light up and I make the thing burst into flames and disappear in an instant.

He appears shocked, worry now an ever-present expression on his face as he runs his hands over my cheeks. "Taako? What happened?"

I swallow firmly, pushing back the fear and guilt and putting on my shell, presenting a smile and batting my eyelashes at him. "Oh nothing, babe. I, uh-" I run through excuses in my brain before settling. "It was Angus's Christmas wish list. Can't have you stealing my ideas, after all~"

He doesn't seem to believe me, but he knows better than to press for answers so he relents, opting to kiss my forehead instead. "Okay. What say we go pick up Angus after breakfast then."

"Fine by me, skeletor." I chide, happy to change the subject as I pull out of bed and change into some fashionable winter ensemble, before making up some breakfast and walking down the streets of Neverwinter, hand-in-hand with Kravitz.

 

* * *

 

 

It's been a week now, and Christmas break has ended. I don't know why I still refuse to tell him. I lied and told him it had something to do with Sazed instead, and days later we had sex. I wanted to have sex with Kravitz in order to have some normalcy, so that my latest sexual experience wasn't with that motherfucker, and yet it didn't work. It made me feel sick and I dissociated through most of it. Every time Krav's hands brush over my hips lovingly I feel _wrong_ , I feel overwhelming guilt and sickness wash over me like a plague. He's worried, so fucking worried because he knows that _that's new_ , that I've never dissociated through sex before and I've never pulled away from his gentle touch as if they were hot coals like that. I can't tell him because I feel like it's my fault. Because I said yes and I got wet and I didn't bleed, beacuse I wasn't too young to not know any better. I feel as if I've cheated on him and it makes me hate myself.

I go to work despite Krav's protests. Despite his insistence that something's wrong, that I should perhaps speak with my therapist before going and I just dance around his words, gently batting them away with reassurances that I'm fine. I do see him on Monday, as I see him every day. He spots me in the halls and his eyes scan me up and down and it makes me feel fucking _sick_.

"Hey, Taako. How was break?" He asks, nonchalant and casual, because he thinks I've forgotten.

I put on a fake smile. "Fine. And yours?"

He has a knowing glint in his eyes, grinning as he says, "Oh, it was _exquisite_. "

I leave without even saying goodbye, hurrying into the bathroom to hide. I know what he wants, what his fucking game is. I know that people are in danger- that _Lup's_ in danger and I need to do something- either kill this guy or get him put behind bars but I just fucking _can't_. I can't kill him because nobody knows the type of person he is- because he's a beloved teacher and students would be devestated, and the whole damn school would mourn him and people would talk about him as if he died tragically and I just fucking _can't_ deal with that. And I can't go to the militia because then everbody would know. Even if I was anonymous Kravitz would piece it together, and then he'd tell Lup and then I'd have all seven birds wrecking my shit about it- and better yet, the school's reputation would be ruined. Because Taako the wizard hired a rapist to teach his students.

I shiver, feeling more alone than ever as I hear muffled talking behind the bathroom door and my ears stand at attention.

"Excuse me, Sir, have you seen Taako? I can't find him in his office." Pipes up the voice of 12 year old Angus McDonald.

"Unfortunately not, lil guy. Aren't you Angus McDonald?" The rapist lets out a sinister laugh. "Don't worry about it, we can find him together, right?"

Just then I burst out of the bathroom doors and practically sweep Angus off his feet as I grab his hand and pull him away in a hurry, retreating into my office with him and locking the doors behind him. I'm shaking, my ears alert and ringing as I hold Angus in a tight hug and glare at the door in rage. How dare he talk to my fucking boy as if he's not a horrid piece of shit. No way in hell am I letting Angus go anywhere with that man-

"Sir? Sir? Are you alright, Sir? You're shaking and holding me awfully tight!" He asks, a worried curiosity coating his voice.

That pulls me out of my thoughts and I snap to attention with a smile. "I-I'm fine, Ango! Just peachy. It- It's okay, I just. Um." I ponder over my words before blurting out. "Just- get to class and don't talk to that man. I, uh, he's a shitty fuckin' teacher. Gonna fire him soon an all that."

Anugs eyes me over inquisitvely, before replying obediently with a "Yes, sir!" And showing himself out.

The rest of the day goes just as well, with me dissociating through most of my classes and grading with only half my mind present, and when the day ends I'm exhausted and ready to go home when a tear in reality opens before my desk and out-steps my sister, stubbornly crossing her arms and staring down at me firmly.

"Both the kid _and_ ghost-rider have been tellin' tales that you're not doing so hot and you won't talk to them about it. What's up?"


	3. Recovery

I clear my throat and sit up straight in my chair, staring at her stubbornly. "I'm handling it." I say. It's not safe for her to be here- that fucking rapist with his twin fantasy and his awful spell-

I shiver just as she begins to speak. "You're not handling it. Koko, c'mon, please? Let me in. There's nothing you can say or do to make me feel less of you when you're hurting like this."

I laugh mirthlessly as I snap at her. "Who fucking said I was hurting?" _I am. I am and I don't deserve to be because I fucking wanted it, didn't I?_ I stand, slamming my hands down on my desk as I shout. "I got drunk and fucking cheated on Kravitz with a co-worker! There! You happy?" I say, shouting blatant lies at her that I know she can see right through.

It's like she pieces together what _really_ happened in an instant, the expressions on her face cycling through shock, pain, sadness and anger, not at me. _Yes at you. She knows your a piece of shit and you let it happen._. "Taako, who? Oh, my God."

She crosses the room in an instant, enveloping me in a tight hug as she buries her face in my hair. "I'm so sorry, Koko... I'm so, so sorry."

I can't help myself and start to sob, not when my twin is so lovingly embracing me, tender hands running through my hair and rubbing circles on my back. I hug her back, squeezing tightly as I choke through sobs.

"You're in danger..." I sniffle, hiccuping as I blubber on. "He- he wanted b-both of us and I..." I choke, burrying my face in her hair as I remember. "I didn' let myself forget like he wanted, c-cause I wan'd to protect you..."

We sink to the floor together, her holding me in her arms and running her hand through my hair, gently shushing me and humming old nursery rhymes our aunt used to sing as I sob, letting out all that I had bottled up over the past week. "I don't know what to do..." I squeak out, high-pitched and desperate.

"Thats okay." She soothes. "It's okay, Koko, we'll figure it out. Just tell me everything and we'll figure it out, it'll be okay..."

I nod in her hair, allowing myself to sob for a few more minutes before trying to speak again. "I thought we were friends... I trusted him... B-but he, he cast some kind of fuckin' spell and I wasn't _me_ anymore, Lulu." I hiccup, looking her in the eyes. "I was trapped in my own fuckin' head while my body did things and I _said_ things and he did things to me, Lu... Things he- he wan'd to do to both'f us, if he could..." She hands me a tissue and I greatfully blow into it, my limbs shuddering from the crying fit. "It- The spell was... S'posed to make me forget- lose all autonomy an forget, but I... I broke- broke free after he left, an I... I wrote it down to make sure he couldn'... Couldn' trick me again."

Lup nods, listening attentively the entire time I explained what had happened as she comforted me like a mother would, if we had one. "The worst _part_ was that I- it didn't hurt!" I almost cough so hard I could puke, verging on the edge of a panic attack. "He made me wet! I _liked_ it!" Tears pour out of my eyes like a well as I break down, completely fucking losing myself in guilt and shame and fear. "I didn'- didn' wanna like it! But my _body_ , he made my body-" I cut myself off with ragged breathing. "I'm _disgusting_."

"No, no no no..." Soothes Lup as she pulls me close and rubs my back. "Take some deep breaths with me Koko, you're not disgusting... _He's_ disgusting, I promise you it wasn't your fault okay? He tricked you and he- he cast a spell on you, okay? Anything that happened was out of your control and your not disgusting because of what he did, okay? It's okay. You're okay, I promise."

The two of us sit in silence for about an hour, holding each other close as she calms me down from my panic attack. By the time the both of us are breathing evenly, and I'm exhausted with tear-stained pink cheeks, I finally speak up. "...I don't know what to do about it."

"What..." Lup starts, pauses. "What do you want to have happen, Koko?"

"I don't want everbody to know. I don't want _anybody_ to know. I want him- I want him fired and locked up far away where he can never hurt anybody again. But I- I don't want everybody to know who he is. It'd- It'd ruin me, Lulu. Ruin the school."

She pauses for a moment, taking it all in. "...I think we can arrange for that to happen, okay? Hurley's got connections with the militia in Goldcliff, after all. We'll tell the public he moved, that he skipped town but in reality he'll be locked up in Goldcliff. Alright?"

I nod, tired and relieved and so _fucking_ exhausted. "...Okay."

"But you gotta promise me something, okay? You gotta tell Kravitz an you gotta tell your therapist. Not tonight- but soon. It'll be okay and I _promise_ you that nobody blames you for this, alright? He's not gonna blame you, babe."

I take a deep breath before letting out a relenting sigh. "...Okay."

* * *

 

I don't tell him right away, of course. A day passes, Lup talks to Hurley and long story short Professor Dickwad is silently taken away while the college students and fellow teachers are told he's moved. Some of them are a little bummed, but nobody asks questions. I take a day off, lighting some sweet-smelling incense and pulling my favorite blanket tight around me to keep me grounded whilst I sit on the couch beside Kravitz, Chamomile tea in hand.

"I, uh. So we had to... Fire Professor Abrams recently."

I begin, taking a sip of my tea and pre-emptively casting Calm Emotions.

"So I've heard." He replies, scooting a little closer to me and taking my hand in his.

I shoot him a quick smile, before continueing. "So, um. Before... Candlenights break, we, uh... We were in my office," I begin, willing my hand to stop trembling as he gives it a squeeze. "And he, um, we had some wine and he... Cast some sort of spell on me, to, uh... Let's just say lower my inhibitions, and we-" I feel my throat grow tight and raise a hand to cover my mouth, willing for me to hold back the rising tears. "He- he had sex with me and I didn't-" I feel the panic rising in my chest, and Kravitz sees it in my eyes so before I can do anything he holds my face gently in his hands and looks deeply into my eyes.

"I understand. You don't have to keep talking about it if you don't want to- but if you want to, then I'm here for you. I don't blame you for any of this and you shouldn't blame yourself either, okay? I love you."

I nod, and he holds me in his arms as I cry, rubbing soft circles on my back and running his fingers through my hair to calm me down. After that, we spend the night together eating ice cream and watching silly movies with Angus.

I talk to my therapist a couple days later. None of the other birds know, and certainly not Angus, but I'm okay with that. And there's no way of knowing wether or not something like this will happen again, and while that terrifies me it's comforting to know that no matter what happens, I'll always be able to bounce back and my family will always be by my side to protect and comfort me.

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after my other taako trauma fic, "Of All The Men I've Loved Before" where Taako like gets therapy an shit. So, yeah, he's basically come to terms with his past and this kinda just re-opens the wound.
> 
> Or I guess more like, cuts open a long-healed scar. Metaphors an shit. Next chapter is being written literally right now lol.
> 
> Also I'm still working on "Of All The Men I've Loved Before" it's just that I got stuck and my adhd makes me go from project to project without another thought soo yeah.


End file.
